Alphabet Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day in school a kid asked his teacher if he could go pee. the teacher said ok, but first say the alphabet.
So he started saying A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S. .. but then the teacher stoped him and asked where did the P go?
He said it is running down my leg.
1. Depression is merely anger without enthuiasm
2. Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines
3. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
4. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
5. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
6. Everyone has a photographic memory. However, some do not have film.
7. So do you think you know it all. What is the speed of the dark?
8. Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet
soup.
9. I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
10. Why does Sea World have a seafood resturant. I am halfway through my
Fishburger and I realize I could be eating a slow learner!!!
11. Many people quit looking for a job when they find work.
12. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines
13. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
I always more...
Questions that have Confused humankind!!
a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "
I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
a.. Who was the first person to say "
See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
a.. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed more...
Questions that have Confused humankind!!
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why more...
From Matt Groening's "Big Book Of Hell", here are: 'Lies My Older Brother And Sister Told Me'...
The Sleeping Alligator Story Older Bro/Sis: See this? He isn't stuffed, ya know. He's sleeping. You: Really? Bro/Sis: If you don't believe me, why don't you put your finger in his mouth?
The Boy-Trap Warning Bro/Sis: Inside my closet, there's a little door, and behind that little door, there's a boogey-man, and he's set traps in there, little boy traps. You: Really? Bro/Sis: And they're baited with CUSTARD. You: Uh-oh.
The Alphabet Trick Bro/Sis: You can come up in the tree fort if you can recite the whole alphabet. You: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z. Bro/Sis: Wrong. Scram.
The Yes-And-No Mind Puzzler Bro/Sis: Yes means no and no means yes. Do you want me to hit you? You: Yes! No! Yes! No! Help!
The Lure Of New Toys Bro/Sis: There's some new toys for you down in the basement. You should go down there. You: But last time you shut the more...
Johnny had just moved to a new town and was attending the first day of Grade Three. As a test, the teacher asked the students to count to 50. Some did very well, and counted as high as 30 or 40, with only a few errors. Others couldn't count past 20. Johnny did extremely well though. He counted past 50 and right up to 100 without any mistakes at all.
He was so excited, he ran all the way home and told his father how well he had done. His father nodded and told him, "That's because you're from Alabama, son."
The next day in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. Since it was Grade Three, most of them could make it halfway through without very much trouble. Some made it as far as S or T, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfecting, from beginning to end.
Again he rushed home and bragged to his father how well he was doing in his new school. His dad, knowingly, nodded and explained, "That's because you're from Alabama, more...