Alphabet Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day when Jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet.
When he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. His mum was in the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her "Mum, what is the first letter of the alphabet?"
Just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open and shouted "SHIT!!!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother.
He asked him "big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?"
His brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and jimmy heard him say "only if you give me some heroin!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went into the living room and saw his little sister watching superman.
"Sister, what is the third letter of the alphabet?"
His sisters eyes were fixed on the the TV and she ignored Jimmy. "Superman!!!" more...

One day Johnny was sitting in class and had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand to ask the teachers permission. The teacher told Johnny if he could say the alphabet he could go to the bathroom. Johnny stumbled through it and got it all wrong and had to hold it.
So Johnny studied and studied and felt as though he knew the alphabet perfectly. The next day when Johnny had to use the bathroom he rose his hand to ask the teacher could he go.
The teacher said if you can say the alphabet I'll let you go. So Johnny started to say the alphabet ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.
The teacher then asked Johnny well where's the P, and Johnny responded it's running down my leg.

Questions that have Confused humankind!! a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'llsqueeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"a.. Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there.... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to ahorrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? a.. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? a.. Why does more...

Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Q: What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff - who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform - was talking about the International Phonetic Alphabet. She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..." But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help.

I offered a hint, "What aren't you wearing today?"

"Underwear?" she replied.

Teacher: Sunny, Give Me A Sentence Starting With "I". Sunny: "I Is..." Teacher: No Sunny, Always Say " I Am...." Sunny: Alright. "I Am The Nineth Letter Of The Alphabet".