Alphabet Jokes / Recent Jokes

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The christmas alphabet has NO L (noel)

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a more...

It was the first day of 3rd grade, and a new school for Johnny. As a test, the teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50.
Some did very well, counting as high as 30 and 40 with just a few mistakes.
Others couldn't get past 20.
Johnny, however, did extremely well. He counted past 50, right up to 83. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Arkansas, son."
The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. Most made it about half way through without much trouble. Some made it to M and N, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet right to W.
That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "Son, that's because you are from Arkansas."
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted more...

There's a little boy at school and asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet.
"Okay" says the teacher. "But first you've got to say the alphabet."
They boy says the alphabet: "a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z."
"What happened to the 'p'?" asked the teacher.
"It's running down my leg, Miss."

While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking about the NATO phonetic alphabet. She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..."But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help.I offered a hint: "What AREN'T you wearing today?""Underwear?" she replied.

The teacher was asking here students "How many letters are in the alphabet?". A student said "18". The teacher said "Why 18?" The student said "Because ET left in a UFO and was chased by the CIA"