Alphabet Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a little kid who needed to learn the ABC's for homework. He went to his big sister who was talking on the phone. "
What's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"
Shutup!"
Next he went to his older brother who was in the bathroom. "
What's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"
Down the toliet, in the toliet!"
Next he went to his other brother, who was watching Batman. "
What's the third letter of the alphabet?"
"
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah Batman!"
The next day, his teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet was. "
Shutup!"
The teacher asked him if he knew where he was going to go if he kept acting like this. "
Down the toliet, in the toliet!"
The teacher took him to the principal and he asked him what his name was. Do you know what he said?
"
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah Batman!"

4th RunnerUp
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
3rd RunnerUp
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means the Chinese cannot use acronyms; thus, they cannot communicate their ideas at a faster rate.
2nd RunnerUp
The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it all out.
1st RunnerUp
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
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Blond: Daddy! I know my alphabet!
Dad: That took you 5 yaars!
Blond: I know, but now I know my ABD's!

Ok. This kid has to learn the first two letters of th alphabet so goes to his little brother who was watching batman so the kid asks "
little bro what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
and his brother sings "
dunnadunnalunnalunna BATMAN!!!"
and then the kid goes to his other friend and says "
what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
and his friend says "
dunnadunnalunnalunna FATMAN!!!"
so the next day the kid goes to school and says "
the first letter of the alphabet is dunnadunnalunnalunna BATMAN!!!"
and his teacher tells him to go to the princeable. and at the princeable's office the princeable asks "
who do you think I AM???!!!"
and the kid sings out "
DUNNADUNNALUNNALUNNA FATMAN!!!"

this kid has the 5 letters of the alphabet for homework. so he gose to his mom who is on the phone and says what is the first letter of the alphabet and she says shut up. Then he gose to his brother who is playing vidio games and he asks what is the second letter os the alphabet and he says yes. Then he gose to his other brother who is watching bat man and he says what is the third letter of the alphabet and he says BATMAN. Then the kid gose to his sister who is on the phone with her boyfriend and he asks what is the fourth letter os the alphabet and she says i love you. then he gose to his father who is in the bathroom and he asks what is the 5th letter os the alphabet and he says IN THE TOILIT! The next day at school the teacher asks him the 1st letter of the alphabet and he says shut up. the teacher says you are going to the principals office and the kid says yes. the principle says what is your name and the kid says batman i love you. the principal asks him where do you live and more...

One day a little boy was at kindergarten. The teacher told the class their homework was to find the first five letters of the alphabet.
When the little boy got home he went to his older brother who was playing video games. "Big brother whats the first letter of the alphabet?". His big brother then said to the little boy "Shut up retard i'm sick of listening to you!".
Then the little boy went on to his second brother who was watching batman. " Big brother what's the second letter of the alphabet?". The older brother who obviously wasn't paying attention said " Na na na na na na na Batman!".
The little boy went on to his dad who was watching football and said "Dad whats the third letter of the alphabet?". His dad then screamed "Forty-niners, forty-niners!".
Once again the little boy went on but this time to his mom who was cooking buns and he said "Mom what's the fourth letter of the alphabet?". His more...

This is what the Cockney alphabet looks like:
AlexB
A for 'Orses ('ay for 'orses)
B for Mutton (Beef or Mutton)
C for Miles (see for miles)
D for Ential (Differential)
E for Brick ('Eave a Brick)
F for Vessence (Effervescence)
G for Get It (Gee, forget it!)
H for Bless You (Aitsshfa! A sneeze)
I for The Engine (Ivor the Engine)
J for Oranges (Jaffa Oranges)
K for Restaurant (Cafe or Restaurant)
L for Leather ('Ell for Leather)
M for Sis (Emphasis)
N for Lope (Envelope)
O for The Garden Wall (Over the Garden Wall)
P for Relief (??)
Q for a Bus (Queue for a Bus)
R for Mo ('alf a Mo)
S for Rantzen (Esther Rantzen)
T for Two (Tea for Two)
U for Me (You for Me)
V for La France (Vive la France)
W for the Winnings (Double you for the Winnings)
X for Breakfast (Eggs for Breakfast)
Y for Husband (Wife or Husband)
Z for Wind (Zephyr Wind)