Anatomically Jokes / Recent Jokes
Barbie's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!
There had better be some change around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1999, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap more...
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list, Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL more...
* He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
* He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist.
* He does not have a fabulous rear end; he has achieved Buttocks Perfection.
* He is not stupid; he suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
* He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations.
* He is not balding; he is in Follicle Regression.
* You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation Exchange.
* He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive.
* His jeans are not too tight; he is Anatomically Under circulated.
* He is not a redneck; he is a Genetically Related American.
* You do not kiss him; you become Facial Conjoined.
* He is not a cradle robber; he prefers Generational Differential Relationships.
* He does not get falling down drunk; he becomes Accidentally more...
Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245
Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 2004
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 2004:
Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What more...
Dear Santa:
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here by next Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1997:
A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro crawling up your butt?
Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
A REAL man... maybe G.I. Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me more...
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back
time!!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don’t want to be around to smell it!) So, here’s my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I’m sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!!!
3. A REAL more...
AH! Political correctness strikes again. Political correctness is defined
as having the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they
look forward to the trip.
* He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
* He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist.
* He does not have a fabulous rear end; he has achieved Buttocks Perfection.
* He is not stupid; he suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
* He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations.
* He is not balding; he is in Follicle Regression.
* You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation
Exchange.
* He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive.
* His jeans are not too tight; he is Anatomically Undercirculated.
* He is not a redneck; he is a Genetically-Related American.
* You do not more...