Announcer Jokes / Recent Jokes

New, from Mattel...!
[ANNOUNCER]
New MIGHTY-MORPHIN'-JESUS action figures!
With realistic healing and smiting action!
[VOICE OVER]
[child #1]
"Aaannggg... Oh no! G.I. Joe is hit... Cobra leader is
getting away!"
[whirring sound... Mighty-Morphin-Jesus' eyes light and head spins]
[child #1 in Jesus voice]
"You are healed my son... now go forth and kick some ass."
[child #2 in G.I. Joe voice]
"Thanks J-man., Let's go Joes!"
[ANNOUNCER]
Now you're in control... fight the forces of evil with new
Mighty-Morphin-Jesus the action figure.
[Action shot of Jesus figure and He-Man battling Skeletor]
He's back from the dead and he's pissed.
[VOICE OVER]
[child #2 in Skeletor voice]
"So Jesus, we meet again... will you never learn that evil
is stronger than good?"
[child #1 in Jesus voice]
"That may be, my unholy friend, but I know something even more...

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway
"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse
"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio
"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that`s a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer
"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio
"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.
"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)
"He`s going to step down `til he`s back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on more...

Some are getting tired of this ongoing saga. Since the media won't give it a rest and move on, we recommend playing the following game during any network or local news shows, "special reports," news magazines (i.e.,Dateline, 20/20, etc), talk shows, or any other appropriate TV shows.

Guaranteed to make watching this story more entertaining or your money back!

Beverages required to play the game: Each player must have a beer handy, a liquor appropriate for pouring shots is also required (tequila or rum is preferred).

RULES OF PLAY

- If a TV announcer says "Castro" everyone in the room must salute with their left hand. The last person to do so must take a shot. If anyone salutes with their right hand accidentally, they also have to take a shot.

- If the photo of the SWAT "gunman" is shown, everyone must act scared. The last person to do so must take a shot and then go into a closet until he is more...

Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take back:3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious."6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

A Walmart store announcement ordering black people to leave brought chagrin and apologies Wednesday from leaders of the company. Good thing the announcer didn't order all white trash to leave or there would have been no customers left in the store.