CBS Jokes

CBS passed on an interview with Tiger Woods, saying that five minutes with the golfer wouldn't be enough. There are hundreds of women out there who disagree.

A federal appeals court has thrown out a $550,000 indecency fine against CBS for the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show that ended with Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction. However, the network still might be sued for continually airing The New Adventures of Old Christine.

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world."The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway "In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse "A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio "He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer "An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio "This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service. "We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA) "He's going to step down' til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

10. Never got comfortable with the rule about she and Dan showering together 9. During newscasts, kept mistakenly calling Bill Clinton "Jed Clampett" 8. She's going to be Mrs. Larry King #9 7. Wants to devote herself full-time to taking care of her pregnant husband, Maury 6. Tired of Dan laughing whenever she said the phrase "penal code" 5. Same reason that those who could left the Titanic 4. CBS forcing her to change name to Dr. Chung, Anchor Woman 3. Woke up one morning and thought: "Oh my God. I'm on CBS!" 2. Two years co-anchoring with Dan and still no baby 1. Her last two paychecks bounced

The forensic expert hired by the prosecutor in the Duke rape case tells 60 Minutes he made a "big error" in judgment by not including evidence that the only DNA he found on the accuser was from several men who were not on the Duke lacrosse team.

Dr. Brian Meehan went on to say he still hopes his part in the made-for-TV movie will be played by Ernest Borgnine.