Appliances Jokes

Nov 28, 2005
Moved in to my new Hermosa Beach house at last. Finally, we live in the
smartest house in the neighborhood. Everything's networked. The
cable TV is connected to our phone, which is connected to my
personal computer, which is connected to the power lines, all the
appliances and the security system. Everything runs
off a univeral remote with the friendliest interface I've ever
used. Programming is a snap. I'm like, totally wired.
Nov 30
Hot Stuff! Programmed my VCR from the office, turned up the
thermostat and switched on the lights with the car phone, remotely
tweaked the oven a few degress for my pizza. Everthing nice & cozy
when I arrived. Maybe I should get the universal remote surgically attached.
Dec 3
Yesterday, the kitchen CRASHED. Freak event. As I opened the
refrigerator door, the light bulb blew. Immediately, everything
else electrical shut down - lights, microwave, coffee maker -
everything. more...

You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.
You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.
You save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents.

You might be a redneck if...
If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald's playhouse.
If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
You've ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.
Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.
Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
You picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it.
You're wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver's license pic.
You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.
You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.
You save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents.
You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.
Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
Anytime your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground.
Your master more...

You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.You save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents.You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.You've ever bought a used cap.You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

A woman who did volunteer work delivering lunches to elderly shut-ins would take her five-year-old daughter with her on her rounds. The little girl was always intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day, the woman found her young daughter staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. Bracing herself for the inevitable barrage of questions, the woman breathed a sigh of relief when her daughter merely turned to her and whispered:
"Wow, Mommy, the tooth fairy is never going to believe this!"