Asian Jokes / Recent Jokes
You can pretend you don't speak English when you're around stupid people. Everyone asks your advice on computers, cameras, carryout, VCRs, Toyotas and Karate. You look enough like Bruce Lee that when you get in a fight, all you have to do is squint your eyes and howl to scare people. There are a lot more opportunities for casting in war movies. No one expects you to drive well. People mistake you for a Laundromat owner and bring you a lot of neat clothes. You can be from Ohio and still be considered "exotic" If you ever commit a crime, you can get good laughs when your description is passed around (black hair, brown eyes, glasses). You get people coming up to you all the time saying neat things in languages you don't speak. During times of way, you get free outdoor housing at a local house track.
10) Broken masonry makes great drainage for potted plants. 9) Get beaten up by people half your size and twice your age. 8) Never run out of kindling wood again. 7) No need to wonder what belt to wear. 6) Get to be on first name basis with the Emergency Room staff. 5) These uniforms make nice pajamas. 4) Never need to wonder why it's hard to get up in the morning. 3) Get to appreciate the finer points of Chuck Norris' acting. 2) Learn to count to 10 in 3 different Asian languages. And the top reason for studying martial arts: 1) (Tie) Get to star in Ginsu commercials. / Three words: free nose job.
10. Top Ramen 9. Plastic covered furniture 8. Motorola pager 7. Acura Integra w/ curb side scrapers, fog lights, spoiler, rims, etc.. 6. Rice cooker 5. Anything with Sanrio on it 4. Karaoke machine 3. A college degree 2. Joy Luck Club video 1. Family =)
I may look like a nerd, but it's only a disguise. I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows where I am. I carry this phone to call her back. Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school, but I did letter in varsity volleyball and tennis. Has anyone ever told you you look like Chun Li? You know, that chick from Street Fighter 2. What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask. Y'see, I'm finishing my first year of residency in internal medicine. Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club." Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean fried rice! You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all the time! Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura Integra with BBS gold spiked rims and a sub-woofered stereo that'll leave you breathless? My eyes may seem small but I've got a HUGE personality.
We know martial arts, and if we don't it still looks like we do. If you do a couple of kicks that aren't too pathetic, people will think you are a master. Good deterrent. We speak two languages. We can speak to you AND your parents. In other words, we can pucker up for you and your parents. Note: You must be the same Asian race for this to apply. We can use chopsticks. In Asian restaurants we can split kimchee for you with chopsticks. Try that with a fork and spoon. We can also play table drums for you with chopsticks. How romantic... We like the same music you do, all that new-wave/techno mixed and synthesized stuff. We are all gonna be rich doctors, engineers, and lawyers. That means only one thing for you, "Shopping, Shopping, and more Shopping." Wheee. We can be your geek on the street (We can help you with all your studying b/c we are naturally geniuses). Or we can be your stud in the pub (We can drink a lot and have that squinty eyed, drooping cig, drink in one hand, more...
You think about Korean martial arts everyday. You begin to sprinkle Korean words and phrases into your conversation. You have a Korean dictionary which you never use. When you see a magazine rack you quickly check for new martial arts magazines first and read the articles on Korean martial arts first. You always make it a point to check the martial arts section of the bookstore and look for Korean martial arts books first. You shop for clothes based on your ability to high kick in them. Adidas is your favorite sports clothing brand. You sewed your school patch onto your bathrobe. You tie your monogrammed bathrobe belt (which you never wash) into a square knot and then check to make sure the ends are exactly even. You open the refrigerator door with a roundhouse kick and shut it with a side kick. You develop a taste for Korean food and other Asian food as well. You develop an interest in Korean members of the opposite sex. You look more to your sabumnim/kwanjangnim for guidance and more...