Assistant Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into the Toys-R-Us toy shop in downtown New York and
says to the assistant: "Could you please show me your Barbie
dolls?"
She says, "Certainly, sir. Here, we have:
Fashion Barbie at $15. 95
Vacation Barbie at $15. 95
Housewife Barbie at $15. 95
and Divorcee Barbie at $215. 95!"
The guy asks in astonishment, "Why is divorcee Barbie so much?
She
looks the same to me."
The assistant answers, "Well, sir, divorcee Barbie comes complete
with
Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's etc. etc.
New Chemical Element Discovered The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered byinvestigators at a major U. S. research university. The element, tentativelynamed administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomicnumber of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic massof 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves thecontinuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can bedetected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes onereaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normallyoccurred in less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at whichtime it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in more...
A man decides that he wants a pet, but not just any pet, a really unusual pet. He walks into the pet store and goes up to the service assistant. "Excuse me, I want a pet, but not just any pet, a really unusual pet".
The service assistant says "I have just the thing for you, it's a talking centipede". "Great!" the man exclaims, "I'll take it!"
The man takes the centipede home in his little box and places him on the kitchen table. He looks into the box and says: "Hey centipede, what about you and me going to the tavern for a beer?" The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy thinks, I'll just go off for five minutes and come back and ask again.
Five minutes pass and the guy returns to the centipede, "Hey centipede, how about you and me go to the tavern for a beer?" Again, the centipede doesn't answer him. Hmmmmm the guy thinks to himself, I'll just go off and watch this TV show, come back and ask more...
AMES, IA-The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight
of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that
involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can
be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into
contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium
caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction
time is less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at
which time it does not actually decay, but instead more...
Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?""Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?""They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?""Nothing.""Nothing?""Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?""How do I tell?""Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?""Whats a sea-prompt?""Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?""There isnt any cursor, I told you, it wont accept anything I type.""Does your monitor have a power indicator?""Whats a monitor?""Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on?""I dont know.""Well then, more...
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. "Nothing," replied the assistant. "Nothing?" she asked, "but how can I look like a film star?" "Haven't you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon?" replied the assistant.