Aussie Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,
"What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.He asks, "And what are those?"The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,"What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at
least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan
immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
This goes on for a while and the Aussie is quite pissed off with the Texan farmer's showing off. The
conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the
field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look,
"Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

An Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are sitting in a pub, quaffing a few
nut-brown ale. While they're sitting around blankly staring at their mugs,
three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
Suddenly "buzzzplooop," each fly does a kamakazi dive into a different glass.
The Englishman gives a disgusted look at his pint, dips the fly out with a
spoon, flicks it over his shoulder, and drains the glass.
The Aussie notices the fly as he puts the glass to his lips. With a quick puff
he blows the bug out in a cloud of foam, and tosses the beer down in one gulp.
They both look on amazed as the Scotsman carefully grasps the fly by its wings,
gently lifts it and shakes it off. Then he says to the fly in a quiet voice,
"There y'are now laddie, SPIT IT OOOOT!"
Ken.

A Texas farmer is vacationing in Australia. While there, he meets an Aussie farmer who invites him out to his ranch. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
They walk around the ranch and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
"And what are those?" he asks.
"Don't you have grasshoppers in Texas?" the Aussie replies with an incredulous look.

Question: How do you recognize an Aussie Redneck?
Answer: You look up his family tree and most of them are still in it!!