Bachelor Jokes / Recent Jokes
MY friend Onkar Singh who returned from Ahmedabad last week posed a question which I could not answer. "How is it that in Gujarat where every man is a bhai and every woman a ben and population keeps on increasing?
J. P. Singh Kaka has drawn my attention to the same kind of confusion that exists in the minds of some people. A bachelor on the look-out for a wife was advised by a friend to put in an ad in the matrimonial columns. He took the advice. A few weeks later his friends asked him if he had any luck. "Yes," replied the bachelor and added naively, "kaee bahnon kay to khat bhee aaye hain-many sisters have written to me."
That was the dullest party I've ever been to," complained the striking bachelor girl to her roommate. "God, was I bored."
"But you stayed quite a while, didn't you?" asked her roommate. "Yes-but only because I couldn't find my clothes."
Bachelor's DietMONDAY: BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox. AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maaloxDINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------TUESDAY: BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslawLUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------WEDNESDAY: BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast more...
1.Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.
2.I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants
3.I could leave the toilet seat in any position I want
4.I could actually tell the bartender If anyone calls I'm here
5.I'd be painting the town instead of the house.
6.When I get home after work, I don't have to start work again.
7.I could show my girlfriend where I live.
8.I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan.
9.The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm rolling.
10.I would have saved alot of money in groceries by now.
11.I'd get to see what my paycheck looks like.
12.I'd get to see what my credit cards look like.
13.You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day
14.Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws
15.I wouldn't have to watch sub-titled French films
16.I could use my own name at hotels
17.When more...
MARRIAGE Dictionary
Bachelor: 1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who every morning comes to work from a different direction.
4) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
5) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
6) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
7) A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
8) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bridegroom: A gent who exchanges living quarters for a better half.
Cad: A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.
Childish game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would more...
A bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
The young bachelor showed up at the office with a black eye. "What the hell happened to you?" inquired his associates.
"Well," he said, "I was getting dressed this morning when a button came off my fly. I'm all thumbs when it comes to sewing, so I ran in to the married woman in the next apartment and asked her if she'd sew the button on for me."
"Oho," interrupted his friends, "she thought you were getting fresh and pasted you, is that it?"
"No, no. She was very nice about it. Got out her sewing basket and went to work. Sat down in front of me and sewed on the button while I was standing there. She'd finished it up and was just biting off the thread, when her husband walked in."