Bachelor Jokes / Recent Jokes

How can you tell if you're at a bulemic bachelor party? The cake jumps out of the girl.

A popular bachelor attached to the American Embassy in London had just returned from a weekend in the Midlands at a stately country home. When asked by a friend what sort of a time he had had, he replied, "If the soup had been as warm as the wine, and the wine as old as the chicken, and the chicken as tender as the upstairs maid, and the upstairs maid as willing as the duchess, it would have been perfect."

Having received a return from a bachelor executive who claimed a dependent son, an income-tax inspector sent the form back with a note saying, "This must be a stenographic error." Back came the report with the added notation: "You're telling me!"

The newly married couple were entertaining a bachelor neighbor in the den of their suburban home when the conversation turned to sexual morality. "Since you claim to be so liberal," the bachelor challenged the husband, "would you let me kiss your wife's breasts for a thousand dollars?"
Not wishing to seem prudish and needing the extra money, the couple agreed and the wife removed her blouse and bra. Then, pressing his face between her breasts, the chap nestled there for several minutes, until the husband grew impatient to complete the deal. "Go ahead and kiss them," he urged the bachelor.
"I'd love to," the fellow sighed, "but I really can't afford it."

Forgive me, Father," the embarrassed bachelor told his confessor. "I made love to a beautiful virgin last night."
"That's terrible," the cleric groaned. "Was it Cynthia Goodrich?"
"Please don't ask me that," the fellow pleaded.
"Was it the Carruthers girl?" the man of the cloth prodded him.
"I don't want to answer," he insisted.
"Well, was it Susan Fullerton?" the priest demanded.
"I simply refuse to tell you," the young chap declared firmly.
"All right, my son," the cleric sighed. "For admitting your guilt, you are forgiven, but you'd better see me again next week."
Leaving the church, the fellow met his best friend, who had waited for him outside. "How did your confession go?" the friend inquired.
"Not bad," the bachelor replied. "I got a week off and three new leads."

The worried bachelor consulted a psychiatrist about his nymphomaniac girlfriend. "Doctor," he exclaimed in a shaky voice, "she'll stop at nothing to satisfy her bizarre sexual desires and unholy cravings-"
"I've heard enough, interrupted the psychiatrist. "Does she have a friend?"

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks hes Gods gift? Exchange him.