Bad Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." more...
A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.
'What's the matter' he asked
'Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news'
'What's the bad news?'
'India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear.'
'Oh my God, what could be worse than that?'
'Bill just got hold of some Viagra'
There's the sad story of the poor guy who was in a terrible motorcycle accident. When he came out from under the anesthetic, the doctor was leaning over him anxiously.
"Son," he said, "I've got some good news and some bad news.
"The bad news is that your were in a very serious accident, and I'm afraid we had to amputate both your feet just above the ankle."
"Jesus," gasped the patient. "What's the good news?"
"The fellow in the next bed over would like to buy your boots."
She is not:
A BAD COOK
She is:
MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She does not:
GET PMS
She becomes:
HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL
She does not have:
A KILLER BODY
She is:
TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
She is not:
A BAD DRIVER
She is:
AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED
She is not a:
PERFECT 10
She is:
NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR
She is not:
EASY
She is:
HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
She does not:
HATE SPORTS ON TV
She is:
ATHLETICALLY BIASED
You do not ask her:
TO DANCE
You request a:
PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE
She is not:
HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
She is:
MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED
She is not:
COLD OR FRIGID
She is:
THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE
She does not:
WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
She is:
COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED
She does not have:
GREAT CLEAVAGE
Her more...
Mohan And Sohan Were Cricket Fans. They Both Decided That Whoever Goes To Heaven First, Will Tell The Other If There Was Cricket In Heaven Too. One Night Mohan Passed Away. The Next Night, Sohan Heard A Voice-
Sohan: Is That You Mohan?
Mohan(In Spirit): Yes It's Me.
Sohan: So Tell Me, Is There Cricket In Heaven Too?
Mohan: I Have A Good News And A Bad News.
Sohan: Tell Me The Good News First.
Mohan: The Good News Is That,
Yes, There Is Cricket In Heaven Too.
Sohan: And The Bad One.
Mohan: The Bad News Is That You Are The Opening Bowler Of The Match Tomorrow Night.
There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replyed, and its for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hittin on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesnt have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So more...