Baker Jokes / Recent Jokes
BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS By S. Artist Reuters AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh. The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification." "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It`s totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over more...
The recently-released Iraq Study Group Report noted that, realistically, one day of Middle Eastern oil is still just one day of oil. The report therefore recommends that Hannukah should be limited to 24 hours. "We can't count on the miracle of the Maccabees this time around," said former Secretary of State James Baker.
Baker is currently negotiating an Oil-for-Candles-Candles swap with Syria.
BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS
By S. Artist Reuters
AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush
filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus
from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint
seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon,
asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of
checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time
before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas,
asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and
desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and
certify the original list as submitted, without amendment,
alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is
nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more more...
Flash - New Weapon in America’s Arsenal - Dubbed ‘The Chicken Gun’
Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force “chicken gun. ”
It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour … The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds.
“My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness, ” Baker told colleagues.
“I wonder why a ’special classified briefing’ had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one. ”
Baker also wondered aloud “how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their ‘chicken gun’, and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon…”
Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be more...
BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS By S. Artist Reuters
AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It`s totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, more...
A lawyer opened his own office right after successfully passing the bar exam. Sitting idly at his desk, his secretary announced that a Mr. Baker was there to see him. He told his secretary to show him right in.
Thinking that it was a new client he wanted to make a good impression. As Mr. Baker was entering his office, the lawyer picked up the phone and yelled into it... "Absolutely not! You tell them I will not settle this case for less than five hundred thousand dollars. Don't bother me again until that amount has been agreed to!" Slamming the phone down, he greeted Mr. Baker saying, "How do you do Mr. Baker. What can I do to help you?"
Mr. Baker replied, "Hi, I'm from the phone company. I'm here to connect your phone."
Bush legal team sues Santa Claus
By S. Artist Reuters AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking more...