Bang Jokes / Recent Jokes

What goes Clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop
clip clop?
An Amish drive by shooting!

PROGRAMMER'S POEM! *''# ^"`$$-! *=@$_ %* ~#4 &[]../ |{,, SYSTEM HALTED The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, to wit: Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash, Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash, Bang splat equal at dollar under-score, Percent splat waka waka tilde number four, Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash, Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.

A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He
walks over to the bar, and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in
here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons!
True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was
standing on the tables, looking very nervous.
"But wait!" he cried, "this alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt
anyone!" However, the bartender is adamant. "If," the man
continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he
stay?"
"Well, I guess so," says the bartender, "however, you're going to
have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that tha
alligator is tame!"
The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts,
"Sit up!" With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his
fist "BANG BANG more...

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of more...

Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom
''This is a magic broom - point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die.'' Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out.
''Don't worry.'' said the man issuing them out. ''I will give you this magic carrot - point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle with a broom and carrot, when the sirens go off, signaling invasion. Bob goes out, only to be laughed at by the enemy. One enemy even comes up to him, hoping to get a good shot at him. Well, Bob didn't have anything to lose so he pointed at him and said ''Bangity bangity bang!'' and the guy more...

A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.
It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes
up,"what the hell was that?". The truck driver replies,
"some kinda animal, go back to sleep."
Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?", "some kinda animal
again."
Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"Some [ethnic] bastard!". "How terrible", says the hitch-hiker, "but there
were 3 bangs"
The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to
get the bastard..."

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To read out loud...:

Waka waka bang splat tick tick dash
Caret quote backtick dollar dollar dash
Bang splat equals at dollar underscore
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash
Pipe curly-bracket comma comma crash