Basement Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do you call a basement full of farmers?
A: A whine-cellar

Three rabbis are standing around schmoosing when one of them says, "We've got a terrible problem with mice in the basement of the shul. Traps, cheese. Nothing works."
The second rabbi says, "Same thing with us. We tried it all. Still we have mice."
The third rabbi says, "We had the very same problem-but not anymore!" Now the other two rabbis are interested. "How did you do it?"
"It was easy. I went down in the basement, gathered all the mice together and performed a mass bar mitzvah. And we haven't seen any of them since!"

A Brazilian couple were charged with the unauthorized practice of medicine after a woman who had liposuction in a blood-stained basement died.


The couple's lawyer defended his clients saying, "These immigrants are doing the illegal basement cosmetic surgeries that American fake doctors won't do."

Q. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A. A wine cellar.

Some churches are more fun than others.
Believe it or not, these actually appeared in various church bulletins:
1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and
north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both
ends.
2. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All
ladies giving milk, come early.
3. Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr.
Johnson will sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by
the pastor.
4. Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the little
mothers club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers
please meet with the pastor in his study.
5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to
come forward and lay an egg at the alter.
6. The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water".
One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the
congregation will join in.
7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to more...

Some churches are more fun than others. Believe it or not, these
actually appeared in various church bulletins:
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends
of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk, come early.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr. Johnson will
sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the little mothers
club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers please meet with the
pastor in his study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward
and lay an egg at the alter.
The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join
in.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
expenses of the new more...

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...