Basketball Jokes / Recent Jokes

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first."

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996)

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, more...

What does Rick Pitino and NASA have in common? They both had to deal with aborted missions at some point in their past...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.

LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal say they both want the same thing this season: to avoid being shot by Delonte West.

A mother and father were in a brutal custody battle over their young son. The judge, frustrated by their arguing, asks the boy if he wants to live with his mom.
"No, she beats me," the little boy said.
The judge asked if he wanted to live with his dad.
"No, he beats me too."
"Then who do you want to live with, son?"
"I want to live with the Warriors."
"The Golden State Warriors? But why?"
"Because they never beat anybody."

This professor of psychology at Harvard built a truth-telling chair. Every time someone sitting it lied, the bottom of the chair - essentially a trapdoor mechanism - collapsed sending the seated person flying to the ground. He knew it worked - he'd tried it. But he had to do some research before any one would believe him.
So he advertised in the USA Today for volunteers to come along and they'd get a fiver for their troubles, every hour. He received loads of replies and as such was able to take from any selection he liked. As a control for the experiment he decided to pick basketball fans, and invited three along for the first day of trials.
Anyway, the first day came and a Denver Nuggets fan arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak. "I think the Nuggets are definitely a force to be reckoned with in the West..." and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him sprawling to the floor before he could carry on.
Next, an Orlando Magic fan arrived, he sat in more...

The Washington Wizards are reportedly distancing themselves from Gilbert Arenas. Mainly to be out of shooting range.