Batsmen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in more...

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Pakistani Innings.
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Where do Pakistani batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.
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When would Rana-Naveed have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling.
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What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Pakistani batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
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How to increase the chances of Pakistani batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two overs to begin with, then try three and so on.
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What is the Pakistani version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls
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What is the height of optimism?
Inzi coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
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Phone Call for Inzi:
Pakistan Team Manager: "Hello"(over Phone)
Wife: "Can I talk to Inzi, this is his wife."
Pakistan Team Manager:"Sorry, he is just going to bat"
Wife:"No Problem Manager, more...

What team is Sachin most likely to coach after retirement?
The Grade 5 ladies college teachers team
Who will be the next man of the match in the Indian Cricket Team?
The 100% guranteed newcomers of the Indian Cricket Team... lol
Who is the next person to retire from the Cricket Team?
All, except for Sachin, he will become the water boy
90% of the next Indian Cricket Team will not OWN houses or businesses in India, even if they do they better have them insured.. lol
What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Indian Innings.
Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.
When would Sachin have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling, and in training matches
What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two overs more...

STANDARD BACKYARD CRICKET RULES

Can't Get Out First Ball: Curious rule introduced to give the token unco bastard a reprieve. Smart-arse batsmen use it to hone their reverse sweep - which becomes interesting when smart-arse bowlers use it to hone their beamer.

Caught Behind: Since no-one has the desire or the reflexes to stand in the slips cordon, an edge onto the back fence constitutes instant dismissal. Has signalled the death of the late cut.

One Hand, One Bounce: This popular innovation (When a fielder can dismiss a batsman by catching the ball in one hand on the first bounce)is essential to the very fabric of the sport. Importantly, it means a game can be organised with a minimum of players. More importantly, it means you don't have to put your beer down.

No LBW: When no umpires are available (or trustworthy), the only option is to can the LBW rule altogether, ensuring cagey batsmen shuffle across the crease as if test driving a Zimmer more...

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all rounder.
Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler on tour?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What's the English version of a hat trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.
Q. What do you call a Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Stewart?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What more...