Battle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Civil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN... The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent to a Richmond Prison where a Confederate entrepreneur put him on exhibit. Even Confederate President Jeff Davis came to see him and was astounded when the impish Van Buskirk claimed that back home in Bloomington Indiana, "when I was at the train station with my company, my six sisters came to say goodbye. As I was standing there, with my company, they all came up to me, leaned down and kissed me on top of the head." LETTER HOME... A young soldier left home to join the army. He told his girl friend that he would write every day. After about six months, he received a letter from his girlfriend that she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family to find out who she more...

Despite scattered reports of violence, U. S. shoppers sustained minimal
casualties during the first few days of the holiday shopping blitz that
began last Friday.
But rampant consumerism turned deadly at a Wal-Mart in Kentucky yesterday
when two shoppers were slain by a heavily armed Robosapien, a remote-control
robot that is one of this year’s hottest gifts. Police are trying to
determine whether the toy acted alone or was operated by a disgruntled
human.
The death toll now stands at three - a Texas tot was crushed by a giant
SpongeBob SquarePants - but analysts say it could climb as determined
consumers battle for coveted items under the pressure of a Dec. 25 deadline.
The annual battle to purchase material goods for Jesus’s birthday began the
day after Thanksgiving (aka Black Friday) with a coordinated pre-dawn
assault on the nation’s retailers.
Bargain-hunting consumers coast-to-coast mobbed the nearest more...

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advisednew recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, thegovernment has to pay $200, 000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don'thave a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government onlyhas to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to sendinto battle first?"

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

It was the eve of battle, and the general was frightened. Thinking to shore up his courage by reading about the great generals of-the past, he picked up a book on Napoleon and learned that the great French leader wore a red uniform so his men wouldn't panic if he were wounded. Taking a leaf from Napoleon's book, the general summoned his orderly and immediately requested a brown uniform.

Q: What is the French battle flag? A: It is three white fleur-de-lies on a white background.

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasnt long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, sellinginsurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government hasto pay $200, 000 to your beneficiaries. If you dont have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"