Battle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A large group of Pakistani soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a Indian voice call from behind a sand dune. "One Indian Army soldier is better than ten Pakistanis."
The Pakistani commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Indian Army soldier is better than fifty Pakistanis."
Furious, the Pakistani commander sends his next best 50 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Indian voice calls out again "One Indian Army soldier is better than one hundred Pakistanis."
The enraged Pakistani Commander musters one hundred of his best fighters and sends then across the dune. Gunfire, grenades, machine gun fire, rockets, etc. ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Pakistani fighter crawls back over the dune more...

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred taliban".
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand taliban".
The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more more...

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200, 000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.""Now," he concluded," which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?

Two little boys were engaging in the traditional verbal battle of little boys everywhere:
"My father is better than your father!"
"No, he's not!"
"My brother is better than your brother!"
"No, he's not!"
"My mother is better than your mother!"
A pause.
"Well, I guess you've got me there. My father says the same thing."

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:

"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200, 000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded," which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?

If you take a dog in and feed it, it will remain loyal to you and never turn on you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog" - Mark Twain

A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words' sex' and' love.' The woman wrote' When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptapble for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote' I love sex.'

A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.

A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "I was a fool when I married you." she replied "yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Any married man should more...

A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites. “Here, ” he points out at one spot, “is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees.
Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's
another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers. ”
A tourist says, “Didn't the North ever win a battle? ”
“Yes, ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus. ”