Bernie Jokes / Recent Jokes
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie. Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"Bernie: "The dog came here to pray.""Oh, come on." says the Rabbi."YES!" says Bernie. Rabbi: "I dont believe you. You are just fooling around; thats not aproper thing to do in temple."Bernie: "Its true!".."Ok", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do.""OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog... The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you more...
A woman said she was financially raped by Bernie Madoff.I don't think Bernie will be all that safe in prison.Talk about people being in arrears.
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie. Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?" Bernie: "The dog came here to pray." "Oh, come on." says the Rabbi." YES!" says Bernie. Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not aproper thing to do in temple." Bernie: "Its true!".." Ok", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do." "OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog... The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. more...
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"
What a coincidence!
Moishe and Bernie are walking down Regents Street when Moishe suddenly says to Bernie, "Don`t look! Don`t look! Here comes my wife and my mistress."
Bernie sneaks a peak and says, "What a coincidence, I was going to say the same thing!"