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SHE IS A DOLL
I am a sexual deviant. The technical term for one sick pup.
My significant other is such a doll, and I mean that because I blow her up.
Her mouth is always open, but she doesn’t have much to say.
And every time that I am with her, she takes my breath away.
She is as kinky as I want her to be. She is the ultimate piece of ass.
I once inflated her with nitrus oxide. That night was such a gas.
One night I got a little rough. I was grinding, and thrusting, and squeezing.
The bottom line is...I popped her. They call me “needle dick” for a reason.
I didn’t want to lose her, because to me she is such a catch.
I got her the help that she needed. Now she is on the patch.
I fill her boobs to the max. When they are that big, I love the feel of em.
Some times I make her play hard to get, by filling her up with helium.
I always take her with me. My friends think I’m more...
One Headliners (1)
What is the real headline?
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In the News:
The Free Hugs campaign, which started in Australia and is aimed at cheering up strangers by hugging them on the street, is not going over too well in China, with some huggers even being hauled away to jail – where cellmates tend to encourage hugs.
A Mississippi woman let her husband, an avid sports fan, pick the name for their newborn son. He named the boy ESPN but the other kids will probably call him ESPenis, LeSPN, and Loser-I’m-Gonna-Kick-Your-Butt-at-RecessPN.
The mayor of Gallatin, Tennessee claims he didn’t know, when he allowed filmmakers to use his office to shoot "Thong Girl 3," that the movie was about a super-heroine who gets her powers from her red thong. Citizens are outraged and rightly so. Every decent politician knows his porn.
A Washington state man was charged with bestiality after his wife found him on the back porch having intercourse with their female pit bull terrier. He faces up to five years in more...
We’re back in 1976 and I am in sixth grade. And much to my initial delight, Miss Rotenberg (the emetic virago assigned to teach the little ones French) is absent (perhaps she fell off her broomstick?). Instead, we have a substitute teacher – a large, lumpy fellow who bears an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Potato Head.
I cannot recall his real name, but it didn’t matter since he had his own special ID for my class. “I’m the Answer Man!” he declared with the enthusiasm one associates with the discovery of gold or a life-saving pill. “Ask me any question you have and I will answer it!”
My class, which was never challenged by Miss Rotenberg’s prattling, suddenly became animated with the glory of being asked to participate in something that was genuinely fun and perhaps a bit daring – it was unusual for an adult to lay down an intellectual challenge to a sixth grade class.
To his credit, the Answer Man kept his word – he did answer the more...
It’s 1984 and I am walking up Fifth Avenue in New York one summer afternoon when I am stopped by a police barricade at 51st Street. No one is allowed to cross over, and on both sides of the barricaded streets there are crowds of pedestrians.
“What’s going on?” I asked a bystander.
“The Vice President is coming by to give a speech,” I was told by the bystander, who pointed in the direction of a building opposite from us.
For those who don’t recall, the Vice President in 1984 was George H.W. Bush, who was elected President in 1988. We won’t talk about his offspring here.
While I was not a fan of the older Bush, the idea of actually seeing him in person was rather exciting. After all, it is not every day that you walk up the street and view the Vice President.
As I was waiting for the Bush motorcade to arrive, I heard a telephone ring. These were the days before cell phones, so a ringing telephone usually meant a street more...
A lady here died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family more...
Plane travel needs to be updated for the 21st century. I think we’ll all agree, it’s a terrific form of transportation and is very necessary. I mean, if you couldn’t travel by plane, there’d be less noise pollution, air pollution, terrorist threats, and war options- but how would ARod ever leave New York? We must make plane travel work! Here are some suggestions:
#1 – The terrorism thing.
I love profiling at the airport. You’re wearing a turban, sorry lady, you’re a suspect. Until then, Whites, Blacks, Jews, Asians, and even people named Lloyd (I hate that name but he gets a pass here), don’t have to take their shoes off and get to keep the dreaded nail clipper. Create a national database of people based on their passport/picture/IDs. Oh yeah, we have computers in the U.S. Maybe we should use them.
#2 – Fat people need their own airline.
If you’re offended, do you know why? Because you never have to sit next to you! I just got back from Tennessee. more...