Bloke Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he's all right. "I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck' ere. I've hit a pig!" "Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says. "Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the dark." "But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!" "Never mind," says the boss. "There's a. 303 under the tarp in the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on home." "Okay, boss." Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the problem, son?" "Well, I did what more...

this bloke goes to the doctor and says to the doctor i have a bad leg listen.
so the bloke picks his leg up and it says
give me

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch.

Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "What the hell!" the tourist cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the bar!"

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep"

An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water." That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks." As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls. The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water." Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist." Nah," replied the bloke. "Only if you get your fingers caught!"

This long line of people are queueing up to get served in a shop. Suddenly one bloke starts massaging the person in front`s back. The other bloke immediately turns round and says to him, "What the hell do you think you`re doing?"

The bloke behind tells him, "Well, I`m a chiropractor and I can`t help myself. I can`t help practicing my art."

"Are you crazy?" says the bloke in front, "I`m a lawyer, but do you see me f**king the bloke in front of me?"

Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon." Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip thewife's knickers off!""What's the rush?" his mate asked." The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, and behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.
"You sign, you sign," yells the Chinese.
Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has got the wrong bloke.
Next day Nelson is watching a film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.
"You Sign, You Sign," screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.
"Look you Twat," snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke again."
Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading a magazine, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts.
The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson, "You sign, you more...