Bonds Jokes / Recent Jokes

A WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have more...

Q. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
A. Bonds mature.

1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

2. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

3. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

4. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

5. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what''s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what''s in bed and go to the fridge.

6. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

7. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door
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How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
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How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
We don't know, its never happened
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Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
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How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
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What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
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What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
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What's the difference between men and government more...

SF Giants star Barry Bonds' trainer was recently jailed for refusing to testify that he'd given Barry drugs.
My dealer would turn me in over a parking ticket.

If they towed his car, he'd be all, "There's this bald guy, got maybe a thirty-second of an ounce of marijuana in an old Altoids tin, and probably some left over vicodin from a root canal... Here's where to find him, now where did you put my car?"

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q. What`s the difference between a man and E.T.?

A. E.T. phoned home.Q. How do men get excersize at the beach?

A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.Q. What`s a man`s idea of helpin with the housework?

A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes oneliners?

A. So men can understand them.Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?

A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?

A. Government bonds mature.Q. How are men like noodles?

A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

A. When it`s time to go back to his childhood, he`s already there.Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.Q. What more...