Bounce Jokes / Recent Jokes

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans... we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back.(It's more like Splat!)

Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" more...

There were two men sitting in a bar drinking. One man said to the other "You know what? I know this bridge, where you can jump off and you bounce right back.
" So the other man says, "No way that's ridiculous. It simply cannot be possible."
The first replies, "Come on, I'll show is to you then."
So the men, both quite tipsy, saunter out of the bar and walk to the bridge. When they arrive at the bridge the first man say's, "Here I'll show you how it works."
So he climbs up on the edge and jumps off. Seconds later low and behold the man seems to just bounce back up astounding the second man.
The second man says "Hey man, do that again! I can't believe it..." So the first jumps off again and immediately comes flying back up again.
After seeing this the second man decides to give it a try, after all it all seems quite safe, so he climbs up and jumps off.
After a few moments, the second man doesn't return, so the more...

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full..of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans..we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like more...

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.

STANDARD BACKYARD CRICKET RULES

Can't Get Out First Ball: Curious rule introduced to give the token unco bastard a reprieve. Smart-arse batsmen use it to hone their reverse sweep - which becomes interesting when smart-arse bowlers use it to hone their beamer.

Caught Behind: Since no-one has the desire or the reflexes to stand in the slips cordon, an edge onto the back fence constitutes instant dismissal. Has signalled the death of the late cut.

One Hand, One Bounce: This popular innovation (When a fielder can dismiss a batsman by catching the ball in one hand on the first bounce)is essential to the very fabric of the sport. Importantly, it means a game can be organised with a minimum of players. More importantly, it means you don't have to put your beer down.

No LBW: When no umpires are available (or trustworthy), the only option is to can the LBW rule altogether, ensuring cagey batsmen shuffle across the crease as if test driving a Zimmer more...

The other day a blonde went horseback riding and had a near death experience. Everything was fine until the horse started to bounce out of control. She tried her best to hang on, but was thrown off. Thinking things couldn't possibly get worse, her foot caught in the stirrup and she fell head first to the ground.
Her head continued to bounce harder and harder as the horse didn't stop or slow down. Just as she was losing consciousness the Walmart Manager happened along and unplugged the ride.

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. .. we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the mid-life threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like Splat!)

Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

It's very hard to "get jiggy with more...