Breast Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language, natch). After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time." "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis...... fifty times"
A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language." Alright," said the husband, "when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast." "Okay," said the wife, "What should I do then?" "Well, when you want to have sex," he told her, "rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times."
A Japanese exchange student sat in a science classroom, totally stumped at a question on the final exam. The question asked: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, thinking he could not use personal experience. Suddenly, he smiled, remembering some things he has overheard his mother say. He wrote: 1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary. He still needed a fourth answer. He tried to put himself in the place of a child, but that didn't work. Suddenly, he smiled again. He wrote as the final answer: 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes. He sat back, considering how proud his friends would be for their genius friend who lived overseas.
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. After finishing the first drink he looks it his breast pocket and orders another. He continues this behavior drink after drink each time looking in his breast pocket before ordering another.
Finally, curiosity overcome the bartender and he asks the man why he keeps doing that. The man replies, "It's quite simple, you see I keep a picture of my wife in this pocket and I'm not going home till she looks good!"
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights, because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."
One day upon arriving home from work, my wife informed me that she was interested in having breast enlargement surgery. When I asked why, she said, "Because it would improve my self-esteem, and hopefully make me a little more attractive to you."
When I asked her how much it would cost, she said "$3000 per breast."
I exclaimed, "$3000 per breast?! Have you tried the toilet paper method?"
She looked puzzled.
"Sure - each night before you go to bed, rub toilet paper between y our breasts, and over a period of time, they should grow."
She said, "That won't work!"
I replied, "It worked on your ass!"
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signsback to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 100 times"