Breath Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now
dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the
world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for
companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all
these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well, Cinderella, since you have lived a
good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you
three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella is overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, and
almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish, "I wish I was
wealthy beyond comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.
Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap
and scampered to the edge of the porch, more...

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.


Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.


Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.


Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn't have children and your father didn't have children, you won't have children too.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

An annotated thermometer
60 Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
Wisconsinites plant gardens
40 You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Minnesota ice cream sales peak
British cars don't start
25 Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 Too cold to ski
Snow removal becomes political controversy in Chicago
You more...

Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.
The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls' eyes will straighten out."
The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. The bulls' eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls' eyes are crossed again. The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again.
The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don't you give it a try."
Banta agrees. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls' ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. He then begins to blow.
"Shit!!!" says the vet. "What in the hell did you do that for?"
Banta replies, "You don't think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on."

Since Childhood Morron's Family Members Gave Him A Walkman And Earphones Which He Always Used. Even While Sleeping He Used
It. His Friends Were Curious To Know What Exactly There Was In That Tape. When They Asked Him, He Replied "If I Don't Hear It
I Will Die". Once When They Went To A Picnic They Took The Earphones Off Him While Sleeping And The Next Day He Was Found
Dead. They Were Shocked. One Of Them Then Heard What Exactly Was In The Tape. And What He Heard Was "Breath In, Breath Out,
Breath In, Breath Out...."

There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, looked under three hugh more...

when all through Palm Beach.
Only lawyers were stirring, the blood sucking leech.
The ballots were held to the light with great care,
In hopes that a dot or a dimple'd be there.
The voters were nestled all snug in their beds,
while nightmares of hanging chads danced in their heads.
And Bush back in Austin, and Gore in DC,
Had just rattled the courts over votes absentee.
When out on the beach there arose such a clatter,
The counters stopped counting to see what's the matter.
Away to the shore lawyers flew like a flash,
The out of state protesters started to clash.
When what to our wondering eyes was bestowed,
But Air Force One and eight interns in tow.
What came off the plane gave us all quite a chill,
We knew in a moment ‘twas our buddy Bill.
More buxom than hookers, his courses they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
Now Bambi, Now Suzie! Now Candy and Tasha!
On Cassie! On Dana! On more...