Bride Jokes / Recent Jokes
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.
On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."
The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."
The bride responds...
"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it."
"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it."
"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was.................God I miss him!"
The Tearful Bride... A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," you don't understand. "I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!" "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -' Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times.
On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new room, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.
She responded:
My first husband was an IBM Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be, but never delivered.
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from more...
OFF THE WIRE
News We Just Couldn't Pass Up
A bad-tempered parrot named Henry has been banned from a national women's lawn-bowling championship in Britain for laughing and making disrespectful remarks.
Students protesting militarism in Israel wanted more than a banner to reach the public - so they painted an army tank memorial bubble-gum pink.
A 13-year-old Ugandan girl was forced to marry her elder sister's husband-to-be after the bride eloped hours before a traditional marriage ceremony.
A Russian political group will award $3,000 to the person who provides the best joke about its opponents in December's parliamentary elections.
After two days' baking, 10,000 eggs and 9 tons of flour, Chilean cooks finished what they claimed was the world's largest cake. It weighed 25 tons.
Esso Singapore has hired 10 university students to sing and dance for customers while filling their gas tanks and wiping their windows.
In Kissimmee, Fla., Ronald Legendre promised more...
A couple was getting married, and it was only
three days before the wedding. The bride calls her mother with some bad news. "Mom," she says, "I just found out that my fiance's mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding."The bride's mother thinks for a minute. "Don't worry," she tells her daughter. "I'll just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony.""But mother," says the bride, "that dress cost a fortune. What will you do with it? It's such a waste not to use it.""Who said I won't use it?" her mother asked.
"I'll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner."
A Hilarious, True Story
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.
To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. Taped to the bottom of everyone's chair (even the chairs of the wedding party) was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open their envelopes.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man getting it on with the bride. (He had gotten suspicious of the two of more...
A man was to be married and his friends threw him a stag party. As usual there was much drinking and merriment. As the evening wore on, the man was dancing nude and and hit his erect penis on the fireplace, knocking himself out.
Concerned, his friends took him to the hospital. Following an examination, the emergency room physician told them that their friend's condition was stable, that he was bruised and sore, that the medical term for his injury was complicated but in layman terms, "He had broken his prick". They shouldn't worry though, because he had supported the injured part with 4 tongue depressors neatly bound with tape.
The next day, the wedding was flawless and the bride was unaware of any problems. In their honeymoon suite, the bride was spread-eagled on the bed when her husband emerged from the bathroom and she said, "Come and get it, Honey, it's all yours. I'm untouched by any other, this is pure virgin wool".
The groom smiled as he dropped more...