Brooklyn Jokes / Recent Jokes
President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks, "How come the Jews know everything before we do?
The CIA chief says, "It's simple. The Jews have an expression, Nu, Vus Tutzuch (English translation: What's Happening). They just ask each other and that's how they find out everything."
Impressed, George W. Bush says he personally wants to go undercover to see how this system works.
So the president gets disguised (the hat, beard, long sideburns etc.) as an Orthodox Jew, and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York where he is secretly picked up in an unmarked car and secretly dropped off in Crown Heights, one of Brooklyn's most Jewish neighborhoods.
As the president stands quietly on a busy street corner, a little old Jewish man comes shuffling along. Bush approaches him and whispers "Nu, Vus Tutzuch?"
The old guy whispers back, "Did you hear that putz Bush is in Brooklyn?"
Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who wereordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second nightout on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail, looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really startingto unwind. Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into theocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailingaway from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he hadmanaged to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperatelytreading water. "Hyman!" he called out, "Hyman, can you float alone?" "Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time totalk business!"
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?" "Then Ill be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong passing
through the native quarter, and was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching. As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the
door greeting his congregants. When our
Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said, "You a Jew?" "Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite. "Funny," said the Chinese rabbi. "You don't look it."
The New Jersey Nets are on the verge of securing $500 million in bonds to finance the construction of an arena in Brooklyn. It's the last step needed before they can start disappointing fans in an entirely different city.
(Forwarded by an American friend of Italian descent).
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Brooklyn version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside New York. If you have one of the Brooklyn editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Brooklyn edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDAS 98 with a background picture of the East River with a floating body. It is shipped with a 'NYPD BLUE' screensaver.
Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled 'Garbitch'
My Computer is called 'My Freakin Computer,'
Dialup Networking is called 'Good Fellas',
Control Panel is known as the 'da Tote Board,'
Hard Drive is referred to as 'da trunk', and...
Floppies are them 'little Freakin plastic disc tings'.
Instead of an error message you get a winda covered with steel bars and Grafitti.
OTHER FEATURES:
WINDOWS 98WINDAS 98
OKdo it I tell ya
Cancelhell more...