Hymie Jokes

Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who wereordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second nightout on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail, looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really startingto unwind. Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into theocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailingaway from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he hadmanaged to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperatelytreading water. "Hyman!" he called out, "Hyman, can you float alone?" "Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time totalk business!"

It was with much wringing of hands that Rachael discovered her husband, Hymie, had a mistress. Rachael, however, was not the sort to kill the goose that lays golden eggs; rather, she decided to find out what the mistress had that she didn't. After a long interrogation Hymie finally relented. "Well, to tell you the truth, Rachael, you are too cold. When we make love you don't do anything. You just lay there, whereas she moans and groans with feeling".
"Is that all" thought Rachael, "is that all there is to it?"
That night she dressed in her most alluring lingerie, slipped Hymie a shot of his favorite cognac and got him into bed. Half way through the business she decided to give him her most passionate moans and groans.
"Oh Hymie, darling" she began. "I've had the most terrible day. Our shares dropped two points. The washing machine broke down. you don't give me enough housekeeping money........"

The confession
Hymie enters a Catholic church and confronts the priest. "I am 93 years old. My wife is 91. We have been happily married for 64 years. Last week I had crazy, joyous sex with a 27-year-old super-model."
The priest is aghast. "Why don`t you go to confession, old man?"
Hymie replies, "Why should a Jewish man such as myself go to confession?"
The priest is confused. "If you`re Jewish, why then are you telling me this story?"
Hymie replies, "I`m telling everyone!"

Hymie says to Bernie, “Listen, why do we need this letter M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”

Bernie says, “But there is no M in ‘Yitzhak’!” Hymie replies, “No, I mean what if we insert it there?” Bernie says, “But why do we need to insert M in ‘Yitzhak’?” And Hymie then says, “But that's exactly what I'm asking you. Why do we need M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”

Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail, looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting to unwind.Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into the ocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailing away from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he had managed to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperately treading water. "Hyman!" he called out, "Hyman, can you float alone?""Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time to talk business!"