Buttered Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a pice of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?
If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?
These are responses to a contest sponsored by OMNI magazine:
Grand Prize Winner:
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always
lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of
a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat
array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
Runners-up:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an
infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This
pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must
yawn to even it out.
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because more...
Q: Why dont blondes like buttered toast? A: They cant figure out which side the butter goes on.
Ever notice that when you drop a buttered piece of bread, it drops butter side down? And what about cats? Cats always land on their feet, right? So, the question is, what would happen if you took a piece of buttered bread, strapped it on the back of a cat (butter side up) and dropped the cat from any local precipice? The results are obvious! The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash it's furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall. That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some more...
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?