Yawn Jokes

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!
Pupil: What? , and get bitten!

These are responses to a contest sponsored by OMNI magazine:
Grand Prize Winner:
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always
lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of
a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat
array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

Runners-up:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an
infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This
pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must
yawn to even it out.
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because more...

Hark the bar room voices sing
Out of tune and everything
Christmas time and lets go wild
Make the persian gulf look mild
Let's get drunk and all fall down
Take the car and speed thru town
Wrap yourself around a pole
Put your family on the dole
Hark the bar room voices scream
Pass the jug of irish cream
Get up early christmas dawn
Yawn the technicolor yawn
Kids are howling with delight
You were out too late last night
Even smiling hurts your head
Open gifts, go back to bed
Hark the bar room voices bark
Where's the jug of cutty sark
Christmas comes home once a year
Don't you think you should be there
People love you, don't be jerky
Go home, eat some christmas turkey
Hug someone and then you say
Have a happy holiday

Grand Prize Winner:
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
Runners-up:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille. Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people`s ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out. Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate. The earth may spin faster more...

(Long pause, sound of phone dropping, sleepy voice:) Argh! (Pause.) Hello... (Sound of phone dropping, then a yawn.) Sorry man... I'm a bit tired at the moment... (Long yawn.) I'm going back to sleep now... Just going to switch the answering machine on...