Buy Jokes / Recent Jokes
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
The "Two Cow Explanation" of what makes...
A Christian Democrat: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A Socialist (or a Canadian New Democrat): You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A Republican (or a Canadian Conservative): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A Democrat (or a Canadian Liberal): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A Fascist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
Democracy, American Style: You have two cows. The more...
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 more...
The president of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard how much fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary. After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man. The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese at an exclusive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the new account but the prospective client only seems interested in the president's secretary. After dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to go more...
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200. 00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100. 00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"
"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
Some of you may not find these at all funny but their is defintely a demographic that loves them. We decided to just collect as many as possible and throw them all onto one page. Enjoy! Yo mamma's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mamma's so fat her clothes have stretch marks. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mamma's so fat, she has two stomaches...one for meats and one for vegetables. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mamma's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mamma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mamma's so fat, her belt size is equator. Yo mamma's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. Yo mamma's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mamma's so fat, every time she puts an apple in her mouth people try to roast her. Yo mamma's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party. Yo mamma's more...
A man went into a store to buy some condoms. "That's 1 dollar 15 plus tax," said the store assistant. "I don't need tacks," said the man. "It'll stay up all by itself."