Buying Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy found himself in the mood around bedtime. He began cuddling up to his wife who was clearly not interested. He asked her what the problem was.
She complained that he was totally unresponsive to her needs. In typical male fashion, he protested, then asked what she meant.
She replied, "For example, I'm in the mood for snails right now."
"You've got to be kidding. It's 11 PM: where the hell am I going to get escargot at this hour?!" he protested.
"If you don't care enough to get me snails, you ain't getting any." We next find our disgruntled husband an the local 24 hour supermarket, buying a box of live snails. On the way home, as luck would have it, he stopped to help a lovely young thing with a flat tire; and that's about all that was flat.
After a few drinks at a local watering hole, he found himself in her bed, doing what he originally had proposed to his wife. Our wayward husband was shocked when he woke at 8 AM. He raced home, more...

Before AOL group sex meant the risk of STD's. Now you run the risk of getting Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
Before AOL family reunions were needed just to touch base, and the main topic was how Cousin Jed was in jail. Now IM's are used to touch base and they start flying as cousin Jed is TOS'd for soliciting passwords.
Before AOL teens would be embarrassed to go to the local news-stand and pick up a copy of playboy. Now you have to hide the credit cards to keep them from buying "Live Nudies" on the Internet.
Before AOL you sat down and explained to your teen about using condoms. Now you find yourself out buying a spill-proof keyboard.
Before AOL your mother ordered pizza from a paper menu. Now she orders from a "virtual" pizza shop, and gets pissed when the delivery never comes.
Before AOL your husband sent flowers for your B-day, Valentines, etc. Now He shows his affection by sending you roses from a virtual florist, and justifies it by stating, more...

A doctor, lawyer and biker are sitting together in a bar when their conversation turns to what each are getting their wives for Christmas.
The doctor says, "I'm buying my wife an evening gown and a gold bracelet. That way, if she doesn't like the gown, she'll like the bracelet and will still love me."
The lawyer says, "I'm buying my wife a fur coat and a pair of diamond earrings. That way, if she doesn't like the fur coat, she'll like the earrings and will still love me."
The biker says, "I'm buying my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the t-shirt, she can go screw herself!"