Buying Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. When waiting to buy your tickets, ask if you can cut in front of the person in front of you. if and when they say no, wait two minutes, and ask again. keep doing this until you reach the ticket person. 2. When buying your tickets, order one for each movie and ask if they think you can make it to all of them on time. 3. When buying the tickets order one for a movie, then change your mind after they have given it to you. Repeat until you have gotten through all the movies and say, "Oh, i think i'll just stick to the first one." 4. When standing in line for snacks, glare at everyone and yell, "Do you know how much fat there is in all of this? You people should be ashamed of yourselves, sitting on your butts in a movie theater and then eating 4 million calories before you leave!" When it is your turn, order an extra large soda, popcorn, 2 hotdogs, 3 orders of nachos, ice cream, and candy. 5. When the snack bar person asks what you want, say, "You. And put extra more...

If it were worth buying, they wouldn't be selling it door to door.

An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, maam," said the manager smoothly. "After all, youve never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"

Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need topurchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide tobuy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decidesshe does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send hersister a telegram to tell her the news.She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send atelegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup more...

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he more...

BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for more...

1. Your family secretly tells you they're taking to you to Disneyland, but for some odd reason they blindfold you for the whole ride, and when they take it off the blindfold your at a psychiartirst. You start having complex dreams about Youthink and the members.
2. You start comparing your friends to the members on the site.
3. While buying lotto tickets, you have a list of your favorite member's birthdays.
4. You start remembering passages out of your term papers so that you can use them in an argument here.
5. Whenever you hear a question, you wonder if you can add it here.
6. You skipped a party with your friends so you could stay on here, drink a bottle on vodka, and pretend you are drinking with other members.
7. You start to mention this site and quoting what other members said on a thread at parties or when you get together with family/friends.
8. It's 2:30 am on a school night, and you tell yourself "just five more minutes" and 2 hours more...