Cabbie Jokes / Recent Jokes

This joke was told at a colloquium here by Dr. Steve Pinker of MIT. He
said it was an old Boston joke, so maybe you've heard it before.
This woman lands at Logan Airport in Boston. She gets her luggage and
jumps into a cab. She tells the cabbie, "Take me to a place where I can
get scrod."
The cabbie turns around and says, "That's the first time I've heard that
said in the pluperfect subjunctive."

A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there for a Pizza and a six pack of Beer?"The cabbie says, "Sure." So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to more...

A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high voice, "Could you please take me to Times Square?"
In a thick Brooklyn accent the cabbie initiates conversation, "He sista, that's kinda a long drive? You mind if we, like, chat?"
"Why no, my son, whatever is on your mind?"
"About this celibacy thing. Are you telling me you never think about doin'it?"
"Why certainly, my son, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. I am of weak human flesh, you understand!"
"Well would ya ever consider, you know doin'it?"
The nun thinks a while
"Well, I suppose under certain conditions, in a very unique circumstance, I might consider it."
"Well, what would dose conditions happen to be?"
"He'd have to be Catholic, unmarried and, well certainly he could have no children."
"Sista, today is your lucky day. I'm all three. Why do youse come more...

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lostthe shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised tosend the driver money from home, offering his credit card numbers, his driver's license number and his address but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have $15, get the hell out of my cab."So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regainhis financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of thecasino to get a cab back to the airport. Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of more...

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates andannounces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon readingthe entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff andto proceed into Heaven. A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watchingthese proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanningthe preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is astonished and replies, "ButI am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely Irate higher than a cabbie." St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "this is heaven and, up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for a weekend of gambling. Unfortunately, he lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket. If he could just get to the airport, he could get himself home. So, he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the driver. He promised to send the cabbie money from home, offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. "If you don't have fifteen bucks, get the hell out of my cab," the cabbie yelled.
So, the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and arrived with barely enough time to catch his flight.
A year later, after having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, the businessman returned to Vegas and won big this time. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the more...