Checkup Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man arrived home from work one day and found his wife alone in the kitchen in a great mood, dancing and singing.
"What has you in such a happy mood today?" he asked.
"I had my checkup today," she explained, "and my doctor said I have the breasts of an eighteen year old."
"Really," the husband replied, "and what did he have to say about your fifty year old ass?"
"Actually," she said, "your name never came up!"

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red' H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue' Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green' M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn''t been feeling well and wants to find out if he''s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

"I''m afraid I have some bad news. You''re dying and you don''t have much time," the doctor says.

"Oh no, that''s terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.

"10..." says the doctor.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.

"10... 9... 8.. 7..."

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. After the checkup, the doctor tells the man he has bad news. "You only have six months to live." The man sits for a while thinking, and then says, "There's only one thing I can do, I'm going to become a Communist." The doctor asks,"You've been a patriotic American all your life, why are you going to become a Communist now?" The man says, "Better one of them should die than one of us!"

There was this eighty-year-old man who was seeing the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked why he needed the checkup. The man was getting married next month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, and it didn't work. However, the doctor suggested, "If you want your marriage to last, I say you at least take in a boarder." The old man agreed. The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later. The old man says, "Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant." "That's good news," said the doctor. "I knew the boarder would help." "Oh," said the old man with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant as well."

A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at more...

Hillary went to her doctor for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He told her that she was in great shape, but that she was pregnant.
She advised the doctor that wasn't possible, but he insisted she most definitely was pregnant. She stormed out of the office, went to the receptionist, grabbed the phone and immediately called the White House.
When the operator answered, Hillary identified herself and told her she wanted to speak to Bill right away. When Bill answered the phone in the Oval Office, Hillary screamed at him, "Do you know what you did, you jerk? You got me pregnant!"
There was silence on the other end of the line. Again, Hillary yelled, "I said, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU BASTARD! YOU GOT... "
Finally, Bill answered, "Ummm, who is this?"