Chelsea Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why is Chelsea upset about Zippergate?
Her dad is getting more dates than she is.

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot. "Does this parrot talk?" she asked.
"Yes, he does," the manager told her.
"But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?", she asked.
"Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whore house and his language is terrible."
"Well, I want him," she said.
"Suit yourself," the manager shrugged.
When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, "New house, new madam."
Hilary laughed.
Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird.
"New house, new whores," the parrot observed.
At first they were offended, but when Hilary explained about the bird's history, Chelsea, too, more...

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and spotted a beautiful parrot. "Can this parrot talk?" she asked. "Yes, he can," replied the manager. "Why are all the others $500, and this one only $50?" "Well," explained the manager, "not everyone would want to own this parrot since he spent years in a whore house and his language is somewhat foul."
"Well, I want him," Hillary said.
"Ok ma'am, suit yourself," the manager said with a shrug. When Hillary got the parrot to the White House, she uncovered the cage and stood admiring him. Tilting his head to one side, the parrot looked her in the eye and said, "New house, new madam." This made Hillary chuckle.
After a while, Chelsea and a friend came in and stopped to admire the bird. The bird looked back at them both and said, "New house, new whores."
Hillary quickly explained the bird's history to Chelsea and her friend, which gave them both a more...

Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in ahelicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutesand finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad.He says, "I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.""Well " says Chelsea, "you could throw $100,000 out the window of thehelicopter. I'm sure that the poor will get some of it."He agrees that it's a good idea and he does.About 5 minutes later he starts thinking again.Hillary asks "Why do you still look so sad? You just threw $100,000 outthe window of the helicopter. That helped a lot of poor people."He says "I still feel like I didn't do enough."She says "Well, Bill, why don't you throw another $100,000 out thewindow? That should make a lot of people happy."Again he says it's a good idea and he does.A few moments later and again he looks unhappy and he says "I stilldon't think I've done enough."This time the more...

Q: Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly? A: Heredity.

Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff. Hillary says to Chelsea, "My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I'm so proud!"Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question. "Say, I was just wondering since you're all grown up now. Have you, um, had sex yet?". Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds." Um, not according to dad."!

One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White
House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am
getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in
Georgetown and his name is Matt."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to
talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's
a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Matt is actually
your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was
heart-broken.
After eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later
she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry
him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on
another private conversation and broke the sad news.
"Robert is your half-brother too, honey. I'm awfully more...