Cheney Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bush legal team sues Santa Claus
By S. Artist Reuters AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking more...

BREAKING NEWS: BUSH SEEKS TO ENJOIN SANTA FROM CHECKING LIST TWICE
Lack of Standards Decried
Austin, TX (Dec. 13)--Attorneys for President-Elect George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit filed in Federal District Court in Austin, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This more...

Bush and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House.
Cheney orders the "Heart-Healthy" salad. Bush leans over to the waitress and says "Honey, could I have a quickie?"
She's horrified! She says, "Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and I'm sorry I voted for you," and she marches off.
Cheney leans over and says "George, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE.'"

Dick Cheney had his annual physical on Saturday and doctors report that his heart condition is good. "In fact," said a doctor, "if our country reinstates the draft, the vice president will be dodging it for the next twenty years."

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter."Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. If I may please make a suggestion... it would be much easier for you to drag your deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." The leaders of the free world thanked the man and tried his suggesion. A while later Cheney said, "You know, that was good thinking. This is a lot easier!""Yessir," agreed Bush. "But durn it! We're gettin' farther away from our truck!"

Bush is waiting to give a keynote speech, and he is sudenly overcome with nerves. Dick Cheney tells him to get a grip of himself. George doesn't listen and heads straight for his bottle of Bourbon.
Ten minutes later and George really needs to go for a piss. Cheney tells him to go piss in the corner and then come out and give his speech.
Ten minutes pass, and George W. turns up with a great big wet patch on the front of his pants. "George, I thought I told you to take a piss in the corner of your room!", shouts Cheney.
"But Dick, that's the Oval office. It ain't got no corners!" replied Bush.

US Vice President Richard Cheney will tour the Middle East later this month, the White House announced early Monday.

The Vice President said he was looking forward to quail hunting with Iranian President Ahmadinejad.