Cherry Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's gray and comes in packets?
Instant elephant.
What's gray and comes in buckets?
An elephant.
What's gray and has a trunk?
A mouse going on holiday.
How do elephants hide in cherry trees?
They paint their toe-nails red.
How do elephants get down from cherry trees?
Sit on a leaf and wait for fall.
How do elephants hide in custard?
Paint the soles of their feet yellow and hide upside down.

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association.' I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,' she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says,' What flavor is that?' The whole class answers' Mmmm, that's cherry.'' Very good,' the teacher replies. So she gives them all a grape and they reply,' Mmm, that's grape.'
' Very good,' she says again.
Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says' OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your parents might call each other.'
Billy spits his out on the floor and yells,' Spit' em out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!'

Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Smooth Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
Place your bets.
And they're off!
Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Smooth Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the halfway mark it's Bare Belly on top. Smooth Thighs open up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Smooth Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At the stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming.
At the finish it's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and
Passionate Lady taking more...

Dear Shrink,
It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn’t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.
I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.
I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.
Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?
I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!
I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They kept shrieking over and over that more...

I heard this one on the radio, offered up by a Cajun cafe owner in Louisiana, so read it with a French Cajun accent...
Leetle Jean and heez father lived down on zee bayou. Jean wuz a very strong boy for all of heez ten years of age. One day Jean's papa asked Jean if he wuz zee one who had pooshed their outhouse into zee waters of zee bayou.
"Oh, no, Papa. I deed not do it!" say zee boy.
Now, Jean's papa knew that zee boy had a mean streak, and being zee strong youngun that he wuz, he wuz certain that Jean must have done zee deed.
He says: "Jean, now I really want you to tell me zee truth. Did you tip zee outhouse into zee bayou?"
"Oh, no, Papa. I wouldn't do that!" say leetle Jean.
Then Jean's Papa decides he must somehow win Jean's confidence to tell zee truth. He tells him zee following story.
"Jean, oncest upon a time, our first president, George Washington, wuz a leetle boy jus' like you. One day heez papa asked heem more...

A rep. from life savers was doing a study on the new flavor. honney life savor. he went to a local elm.school and handed out strawberry cherry lime and honney flavored life savers to the kids in the class. after they ate on he would ask the kids what flaver they were. for the strawberry they all said strawberry and for cherry they saie cherry and for lime they guessd lime. but they all had a problem whith the honey flavored one. the rep said " i will give yall a hint. the flavor is something your mom calls your dad." just then a tot with a horrible look on his face cries out" oh my god spit it out there ass holes.

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.
The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin".
The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies."