China Jokes / Recent Jokes

American Express: Don't leave home without it!
Russian Express: Don't leave home!
China Express: Don't come home!

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?""I dont know," Sid replied. "Why dont we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?""I dont know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.""Are you sure?" Al asked."I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews.""Are you really sure?" Al asked again."I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.""Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we more...

A negro was travelling in china. In a remote village, he came upon an elderly chinaman skipping stones across a lake. At each bounce of the stone off the water, the mountains surrounding the lake echoed back, "CHING... CHANG... CHUN..." The negro was amazed. He asked the chinaman what was going on. "Oh", said the chinee, "magic spirit of the lake echo back the names of your ancient ancestors as your stone skip upon the sacred waters". "Wow", said the negro, "can I try it?". "Certainly", replied the chinaman. The negro picked up the biggest stone he could find, and gave it a mighty heave across the waters... and as it skipped across the waters, the mountains echoed back "CHIM... PAN... ZEE...."

The head of a Chinese toy-manufacturing company at the center of a huge safety recall in the U.S. reportedly committed suicide Saturday by hanging himself in a warehouse.

Investigators found that the apparent suicide was just a jump-rope malfunction.

REDMOND, WA - Microsoft concluded negotiations today to acquire the People's Republic of China, sources close to CEO Bill Gates revealed. The deal, valued in the billions, will cede control of the most populous nation in the world to the Gengis Kahn of the computer world.
The newly formed corporate state will be known as Microsoft China, and will include the newly merged city of Hong Kong. "We see this acquisition as being very positive for Microsoft" a spokesman stated this morning at a dim sum breakfast for the media. "Not only do we aquire a vast workforce to manufacture our products world-wide. Thanks to years of conditioning by the Central Committee, we can also tell them as consumers what to buy!"
The Central Committee will receive shares of Microsoft common stock, and be relocated to the Microsoft People's Recreational Camp located outside Henderson, Nevada. Microsoft will assume control of the Chinese bureaucracy.
Rumours of Bill Gates elevating more...

What do you call a robbery in China? A Chinese take away!

Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Insert into your nostrils. Inhale your food.
Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch' em and proceed to make this meal yourself.
After finishing your more...