City Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde got a family farm from her grandparents so sh did'nt no wat to name it so she goes to the city and says the first word i hear is wat i'll name it so the first word she heard was butt so she named it butt so she buys a dog and does'nt know wat to name so she goes to the city and says the first word i hear is wat i'll name it the first word she heard was crack so she named it crack the next day she lost her dog so she goes to report at the police station and says"i looked all over my butt and i can't find my crack.
lol sign samantha

1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
1a. Your graduation lasted 20 minutes.
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home.
2a. You can smell the difference between different animals' manure.
3. You know what 4-H is.
3a. You were in 4-H.
3b. You can walk through the entire county fair in 15 minutes.
4. You ever went to "headlight parties".
4a. Your busiest intersection does not have a stop light.
5. You used to drag "main".
5a. You noticed when there was a new car in town.
6. You said the "f" word and your parents knew within the hour.
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't.
8. You ever went cow-tipping.
9. You have gone to an auction as a social gathering.
10. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the "buyer" for all of the best parties.
11. You have more...

Actual statements from Hizzoner Mayor Marion Barry of Washington, DC.
"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
"Bitch set me up."
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
"People more...

An old cowhand working on a ranch in Wyoming wants to go to the city.
In Chicago he gets off the bus and marvels at the city. It is more than he had imagined. He walks around for a while and sees a bar that reminds him of the bars in Sheridan. He walks in and feels at home and buys a beer. But it's early in the day, and he is alone so he sits and wishes he had someone to talk to. Soon an attractive woman comes in and sits down. He has watched TV and knows you should buy an attractive woman a drink if you want to talk to her. So he has the bartender bring her a drink with his compliments. She nods in appreciation. He has watched TV and knows now he should go sit by her and talk to her. So he does.
As he starts the conversation, she warns him, "I think you should know before you spend money on me that I'm a lesbian."
"I don't really know what that is," he replies. "A lesbian," says the woman, "is a person who would rather kiss a woman more...

HOW TO SING THE BLUES
(attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)

1. Most blues begin:' Woke up this morning.'

2.' I got a good woman' is a bad way to begin the
blues, unless you stick something nasty in the
next line.
I got a good woman--
with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first
line right, repeat it. Then find something that
rhymes. Sort of.
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other
acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound
bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does
fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing
the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough more...

In Hartford, Connecticut: it is illegal to cross a street while walking on your hands.
In Ottumwa, Iowa: it is unlawful for a man to wink at any woman that he does not know.
In Los Angeles: you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
In Zion, Illinois: it is illegal to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other animals kept as pets.
In Carmel, New York: a man cannot go outside while wearing a jacket and trousers that do not match.
In St. Louis: it's illegal to sit on the kerb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
In Baltimore, Maryland: it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-storey window within the city-limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the cinema.
In Carrizozo, New Mexico: it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face.)
In Michigan: a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
In New York: it is against the law to throw a more...

True story
Amdon the short guy with a biggg nose
This happened during a visit in another city
Amdon and two of his friends went to another city by train
Other two went to the caffetaria take away sandwiches
after some time one guy ask Amdon to return the plates
and bring bottle of mineral water to the deposit
Amdon retuned the plates and ask water bottle for the
deposit the girl who in the caffetaria.
There was no deposit for the plates Amdon faced to very
big problem.

They reached to the hostel Amdon ask from where can I take a
bath. others tald him go downstairs Amdon went with towel
other things. Room is in the 11 th floor Amdon was very lucky
lift also not working. More than 15 minuts went hear & there
to locate the bath room. and ask from one unknown person
he told him go & ask from the person who send you.
These are two stories about Amdon in Ukraine. Later we'll
send you story about more...