Clothing Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing football - see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and Candy."
8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares." and see what happens.
9. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
10. Play with the automatic doors.
11. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
12. While more...

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
Just remember...if the world didn't ****, we'd all fall off.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Start asking her questions (don`t mistakenly do anything) about cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Say, "I think it`s time I learn to take care of myself. You know, just in case."

Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it`s real greasy. Use every pot and pan in the house and be sure you spill and/or drop some of everything everywhere.

While brushing your teeth, flick the toothbrush first at the sink and then at the mirror.

Never ask her to get you something from the kitchen when she`s in the kitchen. Let her spend a good 30 minutes in there and when she reaches the sofa with a sigh of relief say, "Will you PLEASE do me a big favor and get me a beer, my back is just killing me today.

Be sure to load up all your pockets with tissues before you drop them in the clothes hamper.

Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels, dishes, and everything else you put your hands on. This will ensure you never lose your more...

This is original. After this experience, I wrote it up for a local
newsgroup. I was asked for some clarification, and I posted the followup
at the bottom.
Last Sunday, I was waaaaaaiting for my son (7 years old) to get ready
for church. Since I had him trapped, I decided it was time to discuss some
of the 'Facts of Life' with him:
Son, you have gotten old enough that you can be trusted with one of
the Important Secrets of Manhood. You must never tell this secret to any
women or girls.
'OK'
You have probably noticed that most things are run by men. The boss is
usually a man. Men usually get paid more than women. HOWEVER, there isn't
all that much difference between men and women.
'But what about...'
OH that. That isn't all that important. Are you any smarter than the
girls your age?
'Nope'
And I am not any smarter than the women my age. And you know your mother
could probably whip me in a fair fight. So, why do you more...

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potentialemployee's application and notices that the man has neverworked in retail before. He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you arecertainly asking for a high wage." "Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harderwhen you don't know what you'redoing!"

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when the aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares, and see what happens
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'.
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly more...

Sitting at the bar and admiring the young girl tucked into her skin-tight jeans, the single gentleman asked, "You've got to tell me, miss, how anyone gets into those pants."
"Well," she smiled, "he starts by buying me a drink."