Commandment Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: The Gate of Heaven". Below
that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."
2. Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best
prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
3. A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What Denomination?"
Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50
Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."
4. On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village
church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't have a service today." The farmer replied:
"Heck, if even only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."
5. During a children's sermon, Rev. more...
A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year olds.
After explaining the commandment to' honor thy father and thy mother' she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked;
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam`s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him laying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I`m going to have a wife."
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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan more...
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of President Clinton and Rep. Gary Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be,
"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to
"Honor thy Father and thy Mother," she asked, "is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)
answered,"Thou shall not kill."
Here are some responses by younger students from a secular
school when asked to expound on various teachings of the Bible. Their words
are unedited:
"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off."
"Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
"Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
"Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."
"Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."
"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
the unwympathetic Genitals."
"Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah."
"Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles."
"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any more...