Condom Jokes / Recent Jokes
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm more...
one day there was this boy.
and his parents were fighting.
then the mother called the father a bastard and the father called mother a bitch.
after the fight the boy asked "whats a bastard and a bitch?" then mom replied: "bastard is a boy and a bitch is a girl."
then at night the boy took something from the pillow and said to the father "whats this?" then father said "its a condom!" the boy asked "whats it for?" father said:"its a coat."
then the other day mom was in the kitchen cutting the chicken then she cut herself then said "FUCK". boy said whats a fuck? mom said "its when you cut something."
then father shaving. then he cut himself and said "SHIT" then boy asked whats a shit? dad said "its when you cut something."
then the doorbell ranged and the boy answered it.
and the boy said: Welcome bitches and bastards! may i take your condom to hang them? my more...
Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that."
1. Cover your stump before you hump.2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat.13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis.14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.18. The right selection! Protect your erection.19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.20. A crank with armor will never harm her.21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.22. Don't make more...
In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald's hamburger recently. Here's David Letterman's explanation in his Top 10 format
Top Ten List... McDonald's excuses for the condom in the Big Mac
10. We were test marketing the new' 'McTrojan''
9. Condom, Condiment - what's the damn difference
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe
7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true
5. We're experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal
4. So what - a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway
3. Employees too embarrassed to say' 'Would you like condoms with that''
2. Drive-thru speaker broken-''Coke with lots of ice'' sounded like' 'Prophylactic device''
1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too careful.
Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The lady asked, "Whats that?" "A condom," the other lady responded. "This way my cigarette doesnt get wet." "Where did you get it?" the other lady asked. "You can get them at any drugstore." The next day, the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers. "It doesnt matter as long as it fits a Camel." The pharmacist fainted.