Confession Jokes / Recent Jokes

The couple were on their way to their honeymoon, when the wife suddenly said, "Honey, I have a confession to make. I'm very flat-chested."
"That's okay, dear," the husband replied. "There's much more to marriage than sex."
"I also have a confession to make," he continued. "Below the belt, I'm built like a baby."
"That's okay. Like you said, there's more to marriage than sex," the wife replied.
When they finally arrived at their room, the wife took off her clothes, and sure enough she was as flat as a board. Her husband then removed his clothes and she took one look and immediately fainted.
When she finally came to, her husband asked, "What happened? Why did you faint?"
"You said you were built like a baby," she said.
"Yes, that's right, 8 pounds, 20 inches!" replied the husband.

A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before
getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to
make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because
she is very flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding,
its okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she
is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said
that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is
just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, its okay
with him. The girl thought about it for a while and said that she
does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more
important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to
Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off more...

This other guy walks into confession and admits to the priest that he had
engaged in oral sex. The priest being quite new at this confession business
tells the man he doesn' know what type of pennance to give him for his sin
so he'll call the Holiness in Rome and ask him. The priest calls the Holiness
and asks what he normally gives for a blow job to which the Holiness replies,
"40,000 lyra"!

An old man went into confession and told the priest: "Father, I'm 81 married with six children and 13 grandchildren. Last night i had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.Twice." "I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were in confession?" "Never, Father", replied the old man. "I'm Jewish" "So why are you telling me?" "I'm telling everybody!"

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents."

"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.

"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."

"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.

"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area."

"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?"

"Southern more...

OToole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time hed been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, its 15 years since my last confession, and Ive been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" OToole said, "Father, if you have the plans, Ive got the lumber."

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are you telling me?" "Because I'm telling everybody!"