Congressman Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rep. Pete Stark has publicly announced that he does not believe in a supreme being.
Congressman Stark might be right..'cause I can't believe that god would create a man with no lips.
Congressman Virgil Goode (R-Idiot-VA) sent out a letter to constituents that unless immigration is tightened, "many more Muslims" will be elected and will use the Koran at their ceremonial swearing-in.
Congressmen should be free to swear-in on books that reflect their deeply held beliefs. As a result, incoming representatives will now have their choice of swearing in on either the Bible, the Koran or a stack of back issues of Barely Legal.
You can tell Congessman Goode is an experienced politician. He was able to execute the difficult political maneuver of trashing both open immigration and religious freedom in one letter - a feat that earned him a 9.75 from the international panel of judges (after you throw out North Korea's high score of a perfect 10.0).
Memo to Congressman Goode: Last time we checked it's called The Statue of Liberty, not The Statue of Circumscribed Freedoms.
After big tragedies the net often swims with humor about the people and event involved. Some people think this is a healing process, others find it in bad taste.
WARNING: DO NOT READ If think you might be offended by Sonny Bono death jokes.
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What do Cher and a 50 year old Redwood have in common?
They both got nailed by Sonny Bono. .
What's the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?
One's a tree-hugging stiff...
and the other's a tree-hugging stiff.
That makes it...
TREES. ........ 2
Celebrites. ... 0
Death by snow:
Michael Kennedy,
Sonny Bono,
Chris Farley
What was the most surprising thing about the discovery of Sonny's body?
That he was recognized.
Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.
Police reported it was a quick more...
1) Bumper Sticker: Congress Happens
2) What do you give to a congressman who has everything?
An investigation!
3) What is a congressman's favorite color?
Plaid
( #1 heard on local radio-Brian Wilson, WGST 640 AM,
#2 heard from a friend,
#3 heard from same friend )
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
During one of the general elections, an unusually self-righteous and aggressive Janata candidate confronted a staunch Congressite.' After all the evil deeds done by the Congress party during the Emergency how can you vote for that party?', he asked.
Unabashed, the Congressman replied:' I am a Congressman because my father, and before him his father, were for the Congress'.
Aha!' exclaimed the Janata candidate triumphantly, hoping to squash the voter.' If your father was a donkey and before him his father also was a donkey, what would that make you?'
'That, sir', retorted the voter,' would make me Janata.'
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it." "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my final position, and I will not compromise!"