Connor Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "Oi'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. "What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation."

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"....." What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl""Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me." "Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven." So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"

"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questionedhis client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first outof bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in forunnatural connubial practices?" "Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything aboutthe connubial." Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out arewhat grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation,"you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for youseeking this divorce?" "Ah, more...

Oral Sex Oral Argument Will the justices know it when they see it?

'But Ginsburg suggested Lewinsky may say she and Clinton engaged in an act other than intercourse.' What's the president's definition of sex?' he asked in an interview minutes after Clinton's statement.'

--USA Today, Jan. 27, 1998

Justice O'Connor: I am trying to get my mind around this theory, Counselor.

Mr. Bennett: Yes, Your Honor.

Justice O'Connor: You say it was not sex? Though the affidavit and counsel all attest that she. .. did as the affidavit attests?

Mr. Bennett: Your honor, we are proposing that not everything that looks like sex is sex and that some things that do not look like sex are in fact sex. To me, ministering to a person's toes in a particular way does not look like sex, but I am reliably told it is sex. On the other hand, say you visit your doctor and your doctor fingers your anatomy, to find lumps or sores or whatever. That's not more...

A boasting American said to O'Connor, back in the States we can erect a block of skyscrapers in about 2 weeks. O'Conner replied, we can start a row of houses in the morning and on the way home from work the bailiffs will be putting the tenants out for being behind with the rent.

"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. Sure now, we only have a carport. The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?""Sure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about the connubial."

Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless you, sir. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds.""Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" more...

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
"What have you done Tommy O'Connor?"
"I had sex with a girl."
"Who was it, Tommy?"
"I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?"
"No father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was."
"Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?"
"No father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Well then it has to be, Sarah Martha O'Keefe."
"No father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was."
"Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary's and 4 Our Fathers and you will be abolished of your sin."
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph was waiting. "What did ya get?" asked Joseph.
"Well I got 5 hail Mary's, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads."