Conservative Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again."

This joke's about the Jewish orthodox, conservative and reform movements. You have to know a bit about them in order to fully appreciate it.

How do you tell if you're at an orthodox, conservative or reform wedding?? At the orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant. At the conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant. At the reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant.

Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.

Liberals want to solve the marijuana problem by making it legal.
Conservatives want to solve the wife-beating problem by making it legal.
Liberals want to strike down all abortion laws, so that unwanted babies can be killed off before they're born.
Conservatives want to strike down the welfare laws, so that unwanted babies can be starved to death after they're born.
The conservative would prevent rape by locking up his wife and daughters.
The liberal would prevent rape by legalizing prostitution. Neither considers locking up rapists, because the liberal says it's society's fault and the conservative says it costs too much money.

During a speech to commemorate D-Day, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown mispronounced "Omaha Beach" when he called it "Obama Beach". It may not have been a mistake, because he later referred to the "Battle of the Bulge" as "Dinner at Rush Limbaugh's House".